Today has been an exceptionally hard day for me. It just does not get easier with time I know. If nothing else with every passing day it becomes harder. The days flicker by as the memories remain the same. The truth of the matter Is that looks can always be deceiving. The appearance of things is not always what they seem to be on the surface of things. “People disappear” someone once told me. I never thought that something of this sort could or would have myself go through as much as I have gone through in regards to loss and all that I have gone through. Then to top it off of all people I end up losing (no matter how it came/comes about that I lost her) the one person in this life that ever mattered to me. My mom was and still is my world! She was there when no one else was. She loved me like no other could or would. I made her a promise a long time ago that if she landed in a place that would do more harm than good for her then I would do what needed to be done in order for her to be “good”. She was not “good” If she happened to be at a place that she so despised for herself to be at. It was hell on my mother to be in this place both physically and mentally. She hated the place to be quite honest. She tried to make it work for herself in which after some time she just couldn’t become “ok” with the whole idea of where she had come to find herself at. She would cry her eyes out begging me to get her out (which now after about three years I have come to realize,) of this place that she was in. She kept telling me “things should not be this way” . I was so very as I would call it “fucked off!” to the point that I “didn’t know my ass from a whole in the ground”. I was so very much confused in every which way possible. I more than likely could barely remember my name I’m sure. I didn’t really understand from the beginning that others were keeping from myself would In the end of things would be so much better. The excruciating gaslighting and abuse came to be too much for my frail,damaged mind,soul, spirit and heart. With each occurrence that takes place that comes along to violates,steals,breaks,takes, controls or forces from protective hands that are safeguarding the issue (s) is just down right evilness.