Dear mom

I am so sorry that things got messed up. I really,truly am. There is not a day that goes by that I think of you wondering as to what really happened with you? It’s just a very sad day when one does not have their best friend and mom with them by their sad. Oh,the tears I have shed over all of this shit! It still hurts very much so in every kind of painful way. The truth of it all that has brought distance to a mother and her son. The deception that was brought forth by the very ones with whom had had it out for myself from day one. Oh the lies,deception,etc. that was brought forth from an incident that a person had no business In handling or taking care of to begin with. People never saw anything wrong with this individual was and would eventually do to myself and life. I cannot believe that they even involved you mother. I just don’t get how fucked up people can and actually are in life towards other individuals? I just now beg God that if I cannot have you by my side where you should be then for him to provide a way for me to end my shit in this evil,fucked up life and human race. I don’t want to keep going with pushing myself anymore that there has to be an end that possibly I can hurry the process up even just a little. I love you mom so fucking much that it literally hurts my insides and out. It’s agony at its finest that I have been going through ever since back in February when my mother had gone away from me. I just wish that the tears would subside even if only for a little bit. They only tend to come in fountains of tears washing down my face. I don’t know just how much longer I can be strong mother? I don’t know if I can ever forgive what these individuals have done to myself and life? I don’t think I can forgive them for ultimately putting a wedge between the two of us mother? I am so very much distraught,depressed,etc. over losing you. I just wish that I could tell you to your face just how sorry I am for all of what has happened and taken place over the past few years. I have never needed or wanted you as much as I need and want you at this very moment in my life. I love you to the ends of the earth! I miss hearing the bed bug song at night just right before I would go to sleep. I miss everything when it comes to you and all that I remember of you.

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